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Do you remember when a man was a man and his woman was special? I do. I remember when romance was endearing and real. I actually remember when love was forever. I remember when a touch of the hand, a gentle kiss, or a warm embrace always melted away the stresses of a less than perfect day. I remember when commitment was a vow not easily broken. I remember when a single rose was cherished, and love devine. Yes, these were and are a few of my favorite things. I want to recapture the magic of true romance, and hope there is a single, unattached, Blk male, age appropriate (50-62ish), with good values intact, who is seriously searching for such a relationship. I am single, Blk, my ren are grown, my heart is lonely, my days are sometimes long, and my nights can be even longer. I am not perfect in many ways, but I am perfectly sure that "alone" is not a good place to be, and is definitely not a place where I want to stay. In other words, I am "real", and I'm looking for that one "real" connection. I took a stroll down Memory Lane recently only to find the reality is that Memory Lane was not perfect then, and that it is not perfect now. This was a trip that I wish I had avoided, yet one of growth. My heart grows weary at times, but the urge to share my life with someone special is more compelling than admitting, perhaps, that I am a possible memory of interest to no one. With age, comes wisdom. I am wise enough to know that physically I cannot do all the things I used to do, and mentally I am wise enough to know that I don't want to do all the things I used to do, but I know there are memories from my heart yet to be made, and that there is someone genuine, honest, kind, and sincere who is willing to make them and share them with me.
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At least you acknowledge the role you played in all this. OTOH, your ex DH sounds passive , or maybe he had some sort of cuckold fetish. He was aware that you were chatting with this for about a year, and he was also aware when things accelerated into a cyber-affair. If he would have posted about it then, I would have recommended marriage counseling. I would've asked him about communication, and how he felt about what was going on. Why would he stay? Why didn't he speak up? It seems to me that if he was quietly seething inside, then his reaction of playfully teasing you about it, as if this was some sort of game the two of you were playing, was disingenuous. He then resorted to having an affair irl, which confirms a huge disconnect between the two of you. And he was at least partially responsible for this. I think you need to stop beating yourself up now. Yes, if your marriage wasn't polyamorous, you crossed the line. It's almost as if you were putting your marriage on the line, daring him to fight for it. I'm not sure what your motives were, but what does it matter now? In the future, I would as a red any lack of connection or communication with potential interests. And if a relationship does not meet your needs, just end it before proceeding to another. Divorced swingers seeking casual fucking dating horny old women
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