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My Ideal Mate Once upon a time, a man on the hunt for a wife would set great store by a woman who could cook. But things have changed. And to be honest, I�ll settle for a woman who can eat. A woman who doesn�t poke her food around the plate and hide things under her knife and claim to have a thousand intolerances and allergies. A woman who isn�t �off carbs�, �not drinking this year�, �toying with the macrobiotic thing� or made to �feel funny� by red wine. I don�t want to sound narrow-minded. If I truly love her, then I guess we could always work the food thing through. As long as she isn�t always �tired�. Men are either awake or asleep, but women are always �exhausted�. What the hell is that? If you�re tired, woman, go to bed.

As for a woman with a sense of humor, that�s fine, as long as it simply means that she will laugh at my jokes. Most women only laugh at their own jokes. Shut up. If you say something funny, I�ll let you know.

Furthermore, the perfect woman would show far greater tolerance of her perfect man�s habits. She would allow, for example, just off the top of my head, not that I have a list or anything, the following: A trip to Vegas once a year with my friends (don't worry, I just want to bask in the reflective glow of my closest friends); a healthy skepticism of yoga; at least one curry a week and the use of non-organic deodorant (IE stuff that works).

Also, she�d intuitively understand and accept that she was the less accomplished driver. And map reader. And operator.

Finally, she would not make any conversation during any types of sports broadcasts unless it had to do with the intricacies and schemes used in a base 4-3 defense.

If any of this applies to you, feel free to shoot me an email.

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